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DEBATE COVERAGE: Obama, Romney both drunk right now, aides confirm
“They’re both totally blacked out,” those close to the campaigns told reporters Wednesday night. Related posts: DEBATE COVERAGE: Obama, Romney agree to share presidency Obama, Romney to brutally...
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FACT CHECK: Both candidates lied the entire time about everything
Both Obama and Romney lied throughout the entire debate, the entire time, about everything. They did this all in Spanish to throw the audience off. Well, that debate sure was tedious, now wasn’t it?...
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Candidates fail to adequately express undying love for Israel
In Monday’s debate, Obama and Romney by and large neglected to pay sufficient homage to Israel, having only declared their love for the country 34 times. The candidates also missed the opportunity to...
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Romney: Regardless of who wins next week, I will be president
“As we come together in the wake of this week’s horrible natural disaster, we should remember that regardless of what happens on November 6, I will take the presidency. Let me be clear: whether I win...
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U.S. voters take to the polls in country’s last election before 2014 Chinese...
Incoming Chinese president Xi Jinping has notified Americans that it will likely be difficult to squeeze time in for voting during their 18-hour shifts at manufacturing plants. Related posts: Early...
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Mitt Romney not President of the United States
Mitt Romney is not the President of the United States due to the fact that he did not win this year’s presidential election. Mitt Romney’s running mate Paul Ryan will not be Vice President. Related...
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Letters to the Editor: Why I’m Voting for Trump
Donald J. Trump, the actual Republican nominee to be the President of the United States of America. This actually happened. We can all agree that it’s immensely satisfying to see Donald Trump finally...
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Trump to govern “total disaster of a country”
Donald J. Trump, the actual President of the United States. “I think if this country gets any kinder or gentler, it’s literally going to cease to exist.” — President-elect Donald J. Trump, 1990...
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Trump’s cabinet shaping up nicely (We’re going to die)
Steve Bannon, who looks a bit like a serial killer in this picture, but is actually just a white supremacist, will now be senior counselor to the President of the United States. This is actually...
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PHOTO OF THE DAY: Raving lunatic deserves a shot at Secretary of State role
Fans of Rudy Giuliani, reported to be President-elect Trump’s top pick for Secretary of State, are hopeful that “America’s Mayor” will finally shatter the glass ceiling for deranged maniacs who...
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